I miss the poker world – My build-up to Vegas/weight loss challenge

So I’ve kept my head down, got my life together and dealt with some depression and anxiety issues and now I feel better than I ever have. Well almost better. Dealing with mental health issues like depression is draining. For me it meant, getting on the right medicine and cognitive-behavioral therapy and disappearing. Whenever I fall into depression I gain a lot of weight. Last year I gained a whopping 42lbs. Crazy I know. My first reaction was to hate myself for doing that to my body, but I don’t. Not even a little bit. I did what was best for my mind and at the time it came with some weight gain. It has given me a goal.

I started my weight loss journey January 1st and I’ve already lost 22 lbs. I’m doing a form of a keto diet + some additional restrictions. Now that I’m in a routine with 0 cheating. I’m adding in my next goal.

A bankroll challenge for myself. Well not really a bankroll challenge, more like a get my ass to Vegas this summer challenge. I’m going to start this with $100 US and play the hero games on partypoker.com .  Why those games? Because they are crazy soft. Throughout my challenge, I am going to be giving myself some tier goals to keep it fun. However, if I don’t lose the rest of the weight I gained (20lbs) by June then I won’t be going to Vegas and that would be a shame.

My first tier goal (I’m calling it the bottom of the barrel tier) is $885 US that would be 7 days/airfare and hotel staying in old Vegas.I’ll be starting this March 1st.

I’ll be starting this March 1st.

My bankroll guidelines will be:

I really just want to bring the reason that I started playing poker back into my life and that is because I loved the game.

I have a lot of other goals that I want to get done this year. I’m adding them in slowly to build up routines but I am pretty sure it is going to be a crazy productive year for me.

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7 lbs to Vegas

That’s a pretty straight forward goal and completely doable. As I see people planning their Vegas vacations, I’m getting in gear. I’ve been on a roll health wise and now that it is sometimes only -3 here in Montreal I’m even more motivated to get in shape.

Also now that it is starting to warm up I’m getting out of the house more, in the daylight. Today I went to see Kingsman, there is something amazing about going to the movies in the middle of the day. We walked in and no one checks your tickets, no line up for the snack bar and no one kicking your seat because there is only 4 people in the theater. It is like they just opened the theater for me.

Sunday, I went to Cabane Panache et Bois Nord. If it is one thing they have right here in Montreal, it is the street festivals.

This year is the first year I’ve been away from my family for Christmas and Easter and to be honest, I’m a tad homesick, but I’m looking forward to seeing them this summer. I’ll be visiting some family and friends in Toronto the last week of May, then off to my favorite place.

Last year I had to skip Vegas for unforeseen circumstances, otherwise known as, I did my own laundry, emptying pockets is for suckers. This year I will be treating my passport like… a passport. Because of my lack of Vegas last year I’m going to have to make my trip count by staying a whole month!

I don’t think I’ve gone to Vegas once without doing something incredibly stupid, so here’s to Vegas!

Oh, how I failed, but succeeded at the same time.

I’ve never been the type of person that spent a long time looking in the mirror. In fact, I pretty much avoided it as much as I can.

In 2010 I was incredibly thin. Thin does not always equal healthy and I wasn’t healthy. My anxiety and depression had made me stop eating for days at a time and I was also constantly sick to my stomach. During this time period I was unable to look in the mirror, so I didn’t even know how thin I was.

When I final tabled the Ladies event in 2012, I remember watching an interview of myself and thinking, that isn’t me. They had to of stretched me. Not long after I was at a wedding and I saw another photo that I didn’t recognize myself in. I couldn’t believe how much weight I had gained. At this point I missed my old workout buddy Tina and my old trainer.

It happens to all of us… We wake up one morning and step on the scale. We look down and our stomach turns. We hit our peak weight. We talk to our closest friends and admit the hard truth, have never weighed this much in our lives. Not sure how it even happened.

I’ve lost over 20lbs since moving to Montreal, I’ve changed my lifestyle completely. My favorite food was Pizza, now it is crab stuffed zucchini.  I use to be able to do 2 dozen shots and be “Everyone Loves Drunk Lesley”. Now I have one drink and am “Everyone Loves a Cheaper Drunk Lesley.” It has taken me until 32 years of age to truly see myself when I look in the mirror, but I can now. It isn’t just about losing the weight I gained, it is way more than that. I’ve forgiven myself for failing.

A few months ago I had a slight breakdown. I had taken a test that was to pinpoint my strengths. My results were in a transition stage.  I have spent so much of my life trying to make the people around me happy that it was impossible for me to be. I had made that mistake before and I was doing it again and again. This test was a wake up call for me.  I still had it in my head that who I use to be, was who I needed to get back to being. That didn’t work for me the first time, so why was I putting so much pressure on myself to be her again?

So how are my posted goals for the year going… supernova with $100 bankroll—FAIL. I busted that $100, Be more social—Double FAIL, I’ve only gone out about 2 or 3 times this year. What I didn’t fail at were the important ones. I’ve been eating healthy, following a workout plan and working on my fears. I’m still working on PLO, and have a few coaching sessions to help put me back on the right track. As for going out more and being more social, I can’t really answer why I want that. It is just one of those things that I feel I am weird because I don’t want to. What I do want to do is spend time on my projects that I had put on hold, so that is what I’m going to do.

Finally, back to my true love. Poker… WPT is back in Montreal, April, so I’ll be hitting up Playground to play one or two side events. I’m also setting up my Vegas trip for June. And for the love of the poker gods, please let me not lose 39bbs per 100 in the next 20000 PLO hands.

What Happens When You Fail?

My diet bet challenge to lose 4% of my weight in 28 days ended the other day. I was close, but not close enough to win it. I have really been loving going to kickboxing classes unfortunately I have to take a break from that and pretty much any exercise I have been doing. Last night my back gave out again, not at kickboxing, not at trampoline class. A single step while walking across my living room caused my back to give out, yeah I run good. For those of you that are counting this is the fourth extremely painful time that my back had given out.

I spent a lot of last night and this morning feeling sorry for myself. How every time life seems to be working out I keep getting kicked right back to the starting line. I know I have a life a lot of people would dream of, but is it so wrong to expect more from myself? Is it wrong to want to be in control? Last time this happened, I was in Physio for four months. Is it wrong to think about how much I could have accomplished in that time? The answer to all those questions is simple. YES, it is wrong. I can’t do anything about it, but work on what is next. Weight wise, I can focus harder on a diet. Work out wise, I am stumped. Open for suggestions.

Unfortunately, this isn’t going to be the last time this happens to me. Once my back is better I am going to go try again and if I get hurt again, I am going to deal with it. The only thing worse than the pain I am in right now would be giving up trying to be the best me I can be.

WPT Montreal starts in a few days and I am excited to go play a few side events. If it wasn’t for this coming to town I would have most likely put off going to the doctor for a few days but I really want to go and play. Scratch that, I need to go and play.

PLO wise, I feel like I have learned a lot pretty fast. My goal this month is not to play a single ZOOM hand. I am going to keep this part of my blog pretty small while I am  trying to learn and until January. That is when my real goal starts. For those of you that missed that post, it is to make Supernova by playing PLO. Add in a positive win rate pre rake-back and you have a goal. I’ve never tried for supernova or played a ton of hands online. I really should have by now, so I’m way overdue.

Hopefully stars does not make crazy changes to VIP system.

So, What happens when you fail? I start again.

I Am Stronger Because I Post

Every time I post I feel stronger, in control, motivated, but most importantly I feel hope. I normally post after I feel sad, not today! This last month has been amazing. From visits from my family, hosting a Halloween get together last night and working towards my goals. Every puzzle piece seems to be fitting into place even if I have to force it. I feel healthier, stronger, but most important I am happy.

My first weight loss challenge is almost over, with one week to go I have stopped losing weight the last little while. I am not sure if it is because I have been working out and have gained from that or if my diet is missing something. I am going to be working my ass off this next week, hoping to still make my goal. I guess it is time to step up that Cardio as well as going to my kickboxing class. I was fairly good with what I ate the last few weeks, but I could still improve on my healthy meals. 

Last night I hosted a Halloween Masquerade Party and had a well-deserved cheat day, even as a cheat day I still paid attention to what I was eating as I didn’t want to go crazy and ruin the work on myself that I have done.

Still being fairly new to Montreal and I don’t know that many people. This made it more important to me to share a fun night with the amazing friends that I have made so far here in Montreal. Halloween is my favorite time of the year and that made it the perfect time to invite them over.

WPT Montreal is coming to Playground Poker in November. I am looking forward to playing two side events. Event The Wild $150 with a 100k guaranteed and the $250 Frenzy a 200K guaranteed prize pool.

This next month my main focus is on my health, losing weight and getting toned. Secondary focus will be working on my PLO game and third will be a creative activity for my mind that is yet to be determined, any suggestions?

If anyone has some healthy tips to help me with my goals or PLO please share them with me or if you post about how blogging has helped you let me know so I can follow your blog.

I Lied Because Things Change.

The other day I said I was not going to make my goals public anymore. It is no big secret that I am a girl over 30 that struggles with weight that she gained and wants to get the body that is under this chub back. Mind you I don’t want to give it all back, I have a few bumps I’d happily keep.

Yesterday I started a new challenge, actually a bet. I joined a site called dietbet where people from all over put money in a pot with a goal to lose 4% of their weight in 28 days.This is a very public challenge that is posted on the internet for the world to see.

If I make my goal, I get money back. If not, I donated to people that deserve it more than I do.  Right now the pot is $195,270 for a $30 Bet / 6,501 Players. Diet bet does take out 25% of the pot at first that seemed high to me, but they have “No Lose Guarantee” meaning that if you win and lose money on the bet they will waive the fee so that you at least get your money back. That is cheaper than any weight loss program I’ve seen to date.

As someone that loves to win, this is perfect motivation for me. Tomorrow I go back to that kickboxing class I told you about a few posts ago and start getting my ass in gear.

This goal is only part of my goal. I have another part to my body image goal that I am also privately working towards. I hope in a few months I can share that post with everyone.