I miss the poker world – My build-up to Vegas/weight loss challenge

So I’ve kept my head down, got my life together and dealt with some depression and anxiety issues and now I feel better than I ever have. Well almost better. Dealing with mental health issues like depression is draining. For me it meant, getting on the right medicine and cognitive-behavioral therapy and disappearing. Whenever I fall into depression I gain a lot of weight. Last year I gained a whopping 42lbs. Crazy I know. My first reaction was to hate myself for doing that to my body, but I don’t. Not even a little bit. I did what was best for my mind and at the time it came with some weight gain. It has given me a goal.

I started my weight loss journey January 1st and I’ve already lost 22 lbs. I’m doing a form of a keto diet + some additional restrictions. Now that I’m in a routine with 0 cheating. I’m adding in my next goal.

A bankroll challenge for myself. Well not really a bankroll challenge, more like a get my ass to Vegas this summer challenge. I’m going to start this with $100 US and play the hero games on partypoker.com .  Why those games? Because they are crazy soft. Throughout my challenge, I am going to be giving myself some tier goals to keep it fun. However, if I don’t lose the rest of the weight I gained (20lbs) by June then I won’t be going to Vegas and that would be a shame.

My first tier goal (I’m calling it the bottom of the barrel tier) is $885 US that would be 7 days/airfare and hotel staying in old Vegas.I’ll be starting this March 1st.

I’ll be starting this March 1st.

My bankroll guidelines will be:

I really just want to bring the reason that I started playing poker back into my life and that is because I loved the game.

I have a lot of other goals that I want to get done this year. I’m adding them in slowly to build up routines but I am pretty sure it is going to be a crazy productive year for me.

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Happy New Year

For my first blog of 2015 I am working on one of my biggest fears by making it a vblog. Hope everyone has a wonderful, profitable 2015! Bonne Chance!

The Last Checkmark

A few months ago I was going through a rough time and I made a list of activities to do before the year ended to keep me busy and always have something to look forward to. Today marks the day that I completed my to do list of random courses/classes and it was a sweet ending with a chocolate truffle making class.

The class was great. The teacher was great. The class was in french so I was really only getting like every fifth word but I find something really comforting about being taught something from someone that has such a passion for what they do. I had no clue how many different things could be mixed with chocolate.

Cupcakes

I finally made it to a cake decorating class. Not bad for my first two hours. 🙂

What Happens When You Fail?

My diet bet challenge to lose 4% of my weight in 28 days ended the other day. I was close, but not close enough to win it. I have really been loving going to kickboxing classes unfortunately I have to take a break from that and pretty much any exercise I have been doing. Last night my back gave out again, not at kickboxing, not at trampoline class. A single step while walking across my living room caused my back to give out, yeah I run good. For those of you that are counting this is the fourth extremely painful time that my back had given out.

I spent a lot of last night and this morning feeling sorry for myself. How every time life seems to be working out I keep getting kicked right back to the starting line. I know I have a life a lot of people would dream of, but is it so wrong to expect more from myself? Is it wrong to want to be in control? Last time this happened, I was in Physio for four months. Is it wrong to think about how much I could have accomplished in that time? The answer to all those questions is simple. YES, it is wrong. I can’t do anything about it, but work on what is next. Weight wise, I can focus harder on a diet. Work out wise, I am stumped. Open for suggestions.

Unfortunately, this isn’t going to be the last time this happens to me. Once my back is better I am going to go try again and if I get hurt again, I am going to deal with it. The only thing worse than the pain I am in right now would be giving up trying to be the best me I can be.

WPT Montreal starts in a few days and I am excited to go play a few side events. If it wasn’t for this coming to town I would have most likely put off going to the doctor for a few days but I really want to go and play. Scratch that, I need to go and play.

PLO wise, I feel like I have learned a lot pretty fast. My goal this month is not to play a single ZOOM hand. I am going to keep this part of my blog pretty small while I am  trying to learn and until January. That is when my real goal starts. For those of you that missed that post, it is to make Supernova by playing PLO. Add in a positive win rate pre rake-back and you have a goal. I’ve never tried for supernova or played a ton of hands online. I really should have by now, so I’m way overdue.

Hopefully stars does not make crazy changes to VIP system.

So, What happens when you fail? I start again.

I Am Stronger Because I Post

Every time I post I feel stronger, in control, motivated, but most importantly I feel hope. I normally post after I feel sad, not today! This last month has been amazing. From visits from my family, hosting a Halloween get together last night and working towards my goals. Every puzzle piece seems to be fitting into place even if I have to force it. I feel healthier, stronger, but most important I am happy.

My first weight loss challenge is almost over, with one week to go I have stopped losing weight the last little while. I am not sure if it is because I have been working out and have gained from that or if my diet is missing something. I am going to be working my ass off this next week, hoping to still make my goal. I guess it is time to step up that Cardio as well as going to my kickboxing class. I was fairly good with what I ate the last few weeks, but I could still improve on my healthy meals. 

Last night I hosted a Halloween Masquerade Party and had a well-deserved cheat day, even as a cheat day I still paid attention to what I was eating as I didn’t want to go crazy and ruin the work on myself that I have done.

Still being fairly new to Montreal and I don’t know that many people. This made it more important to me to share a fun night with the amazing friends that I have made so far here in Montreal. Halloween is my favorite time of the year and that made it the perfect time to invite them over.

WPT Montreal is coming to Playground Poker in November. I am looking forward to playing two side events. Event The Wild $150 with a 100k guaranteed and the $250 Frenzy a 200K guaranteed prize pool.

This next month my main focus is on my health, losing weight and getting toned. Secondary focus will be working on my PLO game and third will be a creative activity for my mind that is yet to be determined, any suggestions?

If anyone has some healthy tips to help me with my goals or PLO please share them with me or if you post about how blogging has helped you let me know so I can follow your blog.

I Lied Because Things Change.

The other day I said I was not going to make my goals public anymore. It is no big secret that I am a girl over 30 that struggles with weight that she gained and wants to get the body that is under this chub back. Mind you I don’t want to give it all back, I have a few bumps I’d happily keep.

Yesterday I started a new challenge, actually a bet. I joined a site called dietbet where people from all over put money in a pot with a goal to lose 4% of their weight in 28 days.This is a very public challenge that is posted on the internet for the world to see.

If I make my goal, I get money back. If not, I donated to people that deserve it more than I do.  Right now the pot is $195,270 for a $30 Bet / 6,501 Players. Diet bet does take out 25% of the pot at first that seemed high to me, but they have “No Lose Guarantee” meaning that if you win and lose money on the bet they will waive the fee so that you at least get your money back. That is cheaper than any weight loss program I’ve seen to date.

As someone that loves to win, this is perfect motivation for me. Tomorrow I go back to that kickboxing class I told you about a few posts ago and start getting my ass in gear.

This goal is only part of my goal. I have another part to my body image goal that I am also privately working towards. I hope in a few months I can share that post with everyone.

The Start of A Better Me

My emotions have evened out and I am getting back on track. In fact, I’m better than on track. I’m motivated. One of the things that I am told a lot is that I work harder for everyone else than I do for myself and without having someone that needs help I tend to get lost. I’m not talking about things I get paid to do. I’m talking about favors. What people don’t grasp is that people that help people, do it all the time and it is exhausting and not exclusive to their one request.

I remember every single time I’ve lost it on someone at work. One time I was at work and an account supervisor came into the studio with a request at 4:30 that they wanted done that night. After saying no, which is something I didn’t normally do, He went over my head to my boss who came out asked me to figure out a way to get it done. I was on salary, meaning I didn’t get paid past 5pm so what I was doing was basically a favor. When I passed off the work around 9pm to him, he said to me it is only one night. I was furious! I looked him straight in the eye and said “For you it is only one night. You only work for one client. I work with every client that passes through this agency. Don’t you think the same thing happened yesterday at 5 and will again tomorrow at 5 with a different account rep? Today was the day I took a stance and it didn’t work out for me.” That was also the day I knew I wanted to quit my first full time job. I wish I had, but I didn’t. The economy was really bad at the time, friends and family said I needed to find a new job before you quit. I never had time to look for a new job, I was too busy doing all these favors. Had I quit when my mind told me to, I would still have the drive I had at the time. My life goals would have been easier to achieve.

Instead, I waited until I needed to quit because I was broken and all my drive was gone.
My last job was also in Advertising. The only reason I quit that job was because I don’t have a passion for advertising and I didn’t want to live my life repeating the same mistakes over and over.

My goal is simple, I want to be the girl I was before I got sick. The girl that was extremely driven. I know she is with me, it is just a matter of time before I’m back hitting my full potential. Finding the me I want to be has been hard. I get small glimpses here and there and I have hope that soon I will be on top of my game.

I went to my first woman’s only kickboxing class today. What was amazing about this class and gym was the atmosphere. Everyone at the H2o MMA was working on their own personal goals yet the minute you entered you felt like you were on a team. I am going to be committing myself to going to this class twice a week for the next 3 months to help me towards my fitness goals. I will continue taking the trampoline fitness class once a week, just to mix things up a bit. This is a step in the right direction. Taking these classes will help me to be motivated and build confidence. Those two ingredients will make achieving my life goals easier.

I have also been working on my poker goals and I think they are going well, I will update on that soon.

Most Roller Coasters Go Down Before They Even Out.

When you get on a roller coaster you put your hands up in the air and scream as the coaster drops down the steep hills at lightning speed. Logically, when you think about it, you stand in line, watch the roller coaster go by you 10 times before it is your turn. You don’t scream because you are scared, you know what is going to happen, you scream because that is considered a normal reaction and you are told that you should feel scared because everyone in front of you felt that way.

The last few weeks I felt numb, alone and misunderstood. The hardest part about feeling this way is seeing and talking to people. I know that people can’t tell how I feel by looking at me. The truth is my eyes give it away, the shade of blue is more prominent, the glaze from covering up feelings. I receive the most compliments on my eyes when I am actually at my worst. I once recall guy working at Starbucks almost dropping my coffee while telling me how beautiful my eyes were. I don’t even like coffee nor normally drink it. I just ordered it because that is what everyone else does and I needed something to make me feel normal.

This isn’t the worst I’ve felt, but I do remember the last time I felt this way.  It was during my first trip to Vegas. During that roller coaster I ended up spending 1k on face products. Sure the ingredients did included gold. I don’t normally use most of those products, but I’m told I should be that it is normal for women my age to spend money on face products that help keep me looking young.

I felt horrible the last few weeks, but still tried to keep some kind of routine. I have been getting to bed by 2 am where normally I am up until 3 or 4 am. I’ve gone for my walks and done my workout routine. I went to the movies and over to friends’ houses. Really just tried to continue doing the things that are said to help make me feel normal. Then finally it happened. Last night I spent hours searching the web for things to keep me busy. When I was on antidepressants, I would wake up with a high feeling. It felt like my brain waves were trying to get back in order.  Today I woke up with that same feeling so I’m hoping this roller coaster ride is coming to an end, instead of taking another lap. The first thing I did was register for a lot of the things I looked up last night. Why? Because when I was a child that was what was normal to me, an activity just about every night that help me develop into the individual I am today.  Why as adults do we stop developing and just follow routine?

What is on the list this month of things I’m doing to keep myself busy and work on staying fit

Toning Trampoline Class at Rebound Fitness

Then indulge by taking a class where you will learn to make the most amazing truffles that you will lose all want to eat any other chocolate. 

Chocolate Truffle Making at Saveurs Cao

Once a week isn’t enough to keep your heart rate going. I use to do this once a week as part of my workout routine back in 2010. This is actually one of the most fulfilling and hardest workouts anyone can do. 

Pole Fit at Alternative Fitness

I just want to be able to make a cake that I don’t frost it with a butter knife. 

Cake Decorating at Micheals

This blog wouldn’t be fitting if I didn’t plan to include a trip to La Ronde

And I am still working on learning PLO. More studying than playing while my mind is trying to level out. 

I know I am going to get a few friends messaging me asking me why I didn’t call or reach out. When you can’t explain why you feel the way you do and when you know you are better off than majority of people in the world.  You live the life you wanted. What is there to ask for help about?