The cloud of depression.

If there was one thing in this world, I was afraid of, it was falling back into depression. That fear consumed me, the paranoia of everything that I would lose again. The career that you worked so hard on lost overnight. The people that you shutout vanished. Each time it happened you pulled yourself up and re-invented yourself. A new you, a new place, a new job, new friends, new hair but always something missing.

It took me a long time to understand what was missing. I was so consumed with the fear of losing everything again that it controlled me. What was the point in wanting when if you got it, it could be gone overnight? Then it happened, I fell back into a deep depression, but this story isn’t about that, it is about what happened next.

It was eye opening. I was able to feel excited.

The gray skies in my head started to clear the clouds parted and that cloud of depression changed into a rainbow of hope. Trust in friends and family, excitement for what is to come next, but most importantly, that I’m allowed to want, and that I deserve to want more.

Today is Bell Let’s Talk Day #BellLetsTalk get in the conversation.

For those of you that know someone that deals with depression. It is something that takes a lot of energy to get through, but it can also be a blessing. Surrounded by the right people and by getting the correct help, depression has helped me remove the things that were useless. I said goodbye clutter in my life, like the career I never really wanted or the people that drained me. What I’m left with is a bubble of people that are motivating, they make me a better person and that gives me the worth to want more.

 

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Little Hero

Yesterday was Halloween, my favorite time of the year.  I didn’t get a single kid knock on the door. Even with a few decorations. I kept looking out the window and didn’t see any kids walking down the street.  When I lived in Toronto I had 200+ kids every year trick or treating and some adults. My two Halloweens in Montreal, living in two different places, I have had a total of 0 kids combined knock on my door.

Back in Toronto my niece did something a little different for Halloween. She and her friend traded in her trick or treat pillowcase for a box. Instead of candy she went door to door and asked for food donations for the food Bank. They collected two boxes of food for the needy.  She is a constant breath of fresh air and she saw a great opportunity to help others and she took it. This isn’t the first time she has done something that has inspired me or surprised me.

She once made a vow of silence with her friends so that they could feel what it was like to have no voice or say like some women live every day. I can imagine this was extremely hard for her as she is so talkative and curious. I am sure that her parents thought no way she would be able to do it, but she did. She felt the feeling of not being able to communicate for herself, not be able to stand up for herself or question others.

As she grows I hope she never loses this mindset and keeps trying to empathize with people in different situations. She is a true hero.