I Am Stronger Because I Post

Every time I post I feel stronger, in control, motivated, but most importantly I feel hope. I normally post after I feel sad, not today! This last month has been amazing. From visits from my family, hosting a Halloween get together last night and working towards my goals. Every puzzle piece seems to be fitting into place even if I have to force it. I feel healthier, stronger, but most important I am happy.

My first weight loss challenge is almost over, with one week to go I have stopped losing weight the last little while. I am not sure if it is because I have been working out and have gained from that or if my diet is missing something. I am going to be working my ass off this next week, hoping to still make my goal. I guess it is time to step up that Cardio as well as going to my kickboxing class. I was fairly good with what I ate the last few weeks, but I could still improve on my healthy meals. 

Last night I hosted a Halloween Masquerade Party and had a well-deserved cheat day, even as a cheat day I still paid attention to what I was eating as I didn’t want to go crazy and ruin the work on myself that I have done.

Still being fairly new to Montreal and I don’t know that many people. This made it more important to me to share a fun night with the amazing friends that I have made so far here in Montreal. Halloween is my favorite time of the year and that made it the perfect time to invite them over.

WPT Montreal is coming to Playground Poker in November. I am looking forward to playing two side events. Event The Wild $150 with a 100k guaranteed and the $250 Frenzy a 200K guaranteed prize pool.

This next month my main focus is on my health, losing weight and getting toned. Secondary focus will be working on my PLO game and third will be a creative activity for my mind that is yet to be determined, any suggestions?

If anyone has some healthy tips to help me with my goals or PLO please share them with me or if you post about how blogging has helped you let me know so I can follow your blog.

I Lied Because Things Change.

The other day I said I was not going to make my goals public anymore. It is no big secret that I am a girl over 30 that struggles with weight that she gained and wants to get the body that is under this chub back. Mind you I don’t want to give it all back, I have a few bumps I’d happily keep.

Yesterday I started a new challenge, actually a bet. I joined a site called dietbet where people from all over put money in a pot with a goal to lose 4% of their weight in 28 days.This is a very public challenge that is posted on the internet for the world to see.

If I make my goal, I get money back. If not, I donated to people that deserve it more than I do.  Right now the pot is $195,270 for a $30 Bet / 6,501 Players. Diet bet does take out 25% of the pot at first that seemed high to me, but they have “No Lose Guarantee” meaning that if you win and lose money on the bet they will waive the fee so that you at least get your money back. That is cheaper than any weight loss program I’ve seen to date.

As someone that loves to win, this is perfect motivation for me. Tomorrow I go back to that kickboxing class I told you about a few posts ago and start getting my ass in gear.

This goal is only part of my goal. I have another part to my body image goal that I am also privately working towards. I hope in a few months I can share that post with everyone.

The Best/Worst Interview I Ever Had

A few years ago I took a year off of work. Once I wanted to go back into the workforce. I looked for jobs I thought I would find interesting. I didn’t want to go back into advertising, however almost all my experience was as a Studio Manager. I didn’t apply for any job only for jobs that I thought I would learn something from and that I thought the hours would have a good work/life balance.

One of the jobs I applied for was to be an assistant for a Fashion Designer. I actually went and bought new shoes for the interview because I didn’t think any of my shoes made the cut. Not only did I buy new shoes, but I straighten my hair. That doesn’t seem like a big deal, but with my hair that is a 2 hour job!

I walked into this loft that was completely painted white, it reminded me of what heaven’s admissions office would look like. The only thing that was out of place was the new designs hanging on a moving rack and me. The smell of microwave popcorn filled the loft. Only one person worked on the main floor. The girl I was there to try to replace and she greeted me and took me over to the middle of the room where my interview was about to start.

Three people came to interview me. The first question they asked me was to tell them about my previous job. I explained what my day to day use to be and they were extremely interested in the dealing with stock houses side as they knew some of the same contacts I did. I thought the interview was going well. The next thing I knew the “boss” put her hand on my shoulder and told me I was selling myself short. She said that I would be bored and that the only way she could hire me was if I could prove to her that I wouldn’t be. I pretty good at reading people and I knew that nothing I said would have changed her mind. I was typecast.

She asked me to wait and went back to her office and grabbed me a business card. It was for an ad agency, she told me to give them a call and tell them she would recommend me. I thanked her and left the interview, walked around the corner, down two flights of stairs and sat down. I was upset, angry and my feet were hurting from those stupid shoes. My phone rang, “how did the interview go?” that question lead to instant tears. At the time I felt really crappy and I gave up my search for switching career paths and started applying for jobs in advertising. Once I did, I found one pretty quickly. The place was amazing, the staff and my boss was great. It was a one year contract, but I was offered to stay on board. The only problem was I didn’t have a passion for it. It was work and hard work.

Now I’m in Montreal where my French skills make it impossible for me take the easy route. I’m working on things that will help me to be happy and to achieve my goals. I’m no longer telling people my goals because I don’t want to hear that I can’t do it or how hard it is going to be for me. Worse comes to worse, I fail and that isn’t the end of the world, it just means another beginning. That lady was right when she said I was selling myself short. It just took me a few years to realize that she wasn’t typecasting me, she just saw something in me that I didn’t see in myself.

The Start of A Better Me

My emotions have evened out and I am getting back on track. In fact, I’m better than on track. I’m motivated. One of the things that I am told a lot is that I work harder for everyone else than I do for myself and without having someone that needs help I tend to get lost. I’m not talking about things I get paid to do. I’m talking about favors. What people don’t grasp is that people that help people, do it all the time and it is exhausting and not exclusive to their one request.

I remember every single time I’ve lost it on someone at work. One time I was at work and an account supervisor came into the studio with a request at 4:30 that they wanted done that night. After saying no, which is something I didn’t normally do, He went over my head to my boss who came out asked me to figure out a way to get it done. I was on salary, meaning I didn’t get paid past 5pm so what I was doing was basically a favor. When I passed off the work around 9pm to him, he said to me it is only one night. I was furious! I looked him straight in the eye and said “For you it is only one night. You only work for one client. I work with every client that passes through this agency. Don’t you think the same thing happened yesterday at 5 and will again tomorrow at 5 with a different account rep? Today was the day I took a stance and it didn’t work out for me.” That was also the day I knew I wanted to quit my first full time job. I wish I had, but I didn’t. The economy was really bad at the time, friends and family said I needed to find a new job before you quit. I never had time to look for a new job, I was too busy doing all these favors. Had I quit when my mind told me to, I would still have the drive I had at the time. My life goals would have been easier to achieve.

Instead, I waited until I needed to quit because I was broken and all my drive was gone.
My last job was also in Advertising. The only reason I quit that job was because I don’t have a passion for advertising and I didn’t want to live my life repeating the same mistakes over and over.

My goal is simple, I want to be the girl I was before I got sick. The girl that was extremely driven. I know she is with me, it is just a matter of time before I’m back hitting my full potential. Finding the me I want to be has been hard. I get small glimpses here and there and I have hope that soon I will be on top of my game.

I went to my first woman’s only kickboxing class today. What was amazing about this class and gym was the atmosphere. Everyone at the H2o MMA was working on their own personal goals yet the minute you entered you felt like you were on a team. I am going to be committing myself to going to this class twice a week for the next 3 months to help me towards my fitness goals. I will continue taking the trampoline fitness class once a week, just to mix things up a bit. This is a step in the right direction. Taking these classes will help me to be motivated and build confidence. Those two ingredients will make achieving my life goals easier.

I have also been working on my poker goals and I think they are going well, I will update on that soon.

Everything You Do Can Lead To Something New.

The other day I took my first trampoline fitness class at Rebound Fitness. I was a little early and walked into this big loft building looking extremely lost. As I stared at the building directory trying to figure out where I was suppose to be a man stopped and asked me if I what company I was looking for. When I told him he told me that he showed me where my class was and told me that he was the owner of H2O MMA and they have a kickboxing class that I might be interested in and should come for the free session.

I actually did take one class about a year ago, but the pace was way too fast and I was extremely intimidated as most of the class was filled with guys that use that class as a part of their routine. I told him I would still come and check it out after my class.

The trampoline class was amazing. If you have ever taken a Power class before that is what this was but with a mix of the trampoline for added cardio. I was pretty nasty sweaty by the end of the class and still committed myself to skipping the bus and taking that 30 minute walking home. On the way out of class I went down and peeked in the H2O MMA gym. This place looked amazing. I wrote down the website.

On my walk home it got dark really fast. I had to cross train tracks that I don’t even remember crossing on my way to the class. I walked up to the flashing red lights and waited for the train to finish crossing. It seemed like an hour, I started to feel a little nervous as it hit me that I probably shouldn’t have been walking home that late at night alone.

When I got home, I took a look at the website.

“Women’s Only Kickboxing Bootcamp workouts are the best around at H2O Gym Montreal. Whether you want to learn self-defense, lose weight, improve cardio & fitness, or just sculpt your body, this class will do it for you. This is a safe, friendly, non-competitive class, designed for beginners, where learning and supporting each others goals is always #1.”

Add another class to my schedule. I am sold! Not only am I sold I am really excited about this class.

Had I not signed up for that trampoline class, I would have never come across the kickboxing class. Who knows what that kickboxing class will lead me to. Worst case I wasted an hour on something I don’t like or I make new friends, lose some weight while learning how to protect myself. After that, my new kickboxing class could lead to something else… Maybe Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu?

Most Roller Coasters Go Down Before They Even Out.

When you get on a roller coaster you put your hands up in the air and scream as the coaster drops down the steep hills at lightning speed. Logically, when you think about it, you stand in line, watch the roller coaster go by you 10 times before it is your turn. You don’t scream because you are scared, you know what is going to happen, you scream because that is considered a normal reaction and you are told that you should feel scared because everyone in front of you felt that way.

The last few weeks I felt numb, alone and misunderstood. The hardest part about feeling this way is seeing and talking to people. I know that people can’t tell how I feel by looking at me. The truth is my eyes give it away, the shade of blue is more prominent, the glaze from covering up feelings. I receive the most compliments on my eyes when I am actually at my worst. I once recall guy working at Starbucks almost dropping my coffee while telling me how beautiful my eyes were. I don’t even like coffee nor normally drink it. I just ordered it because that is what everyone else does and I needed something to make me feel normal.

This isn’t the worst I’ve felt, but I do remember the last time I felt this way.  It was during my first trip to Vegas. During that roller coaster I ended up spending 1k on face products. Sure the ingredients did included gold. I don’t normally use most of those products, but I’m told I should be that it is normal for women my age to spend money on face products that help keep me looking young.

I felt horrible the last few weeks, but still tried to keep some kind of routine. I have been getting to bed by 2 am where normally I am up until 3 or 4 am. I’ve gone for my walks and done my workout routine. I went to the movies and over to friends’ houses. Really just tried to continue doing the things that are said to help make me feel normal. Then finally it happened. Last night I spent hours searching the web for things to keep me busy. When I was on antidepressants, I would wake up with a high feeling. It felt like my brain waves were trying to get back in order.  Today I woke up with that same feeling so I’m hoping this roller coaster ride is coming to an end, instead of taking another lap. The first thing I did was register for a lot of the things I looked up last night. Why? Because when I was a child that was what was normal to me, an activity just about every night that help me develop into the individual I am today.  Why as adults do we stop developing and just follow routine?

What is on the list this month of things I’m doing to keep myself busy and work on staying fit

Toning Trampoline Class at Rebound Fitness

Then indulge by taking a class where you will learn to make the most amazing truffles that you will lose all want to eat any other chocolate. 

Chocolate Truffle Making at Saveurs Cao

Once a week isn’t enough to keep your heart rate going. I use to do this once a week as part of my workout routine back in 2010. This is actually one of the most fulfilling and hardest workouts anyone can do. 

Pole Fit at Alternative Fitness

I just want to be able to make a cake that I don’t frost it with a butter knife. 

Cake Decorating at Micheals

This blog wouldn’t be fitting if I didn’t plan to include a trip to La Ronde

And I am still working on learning PLO. More studying than playing while my mind is trying to level out. 

I know I am going to get a few friends messaging me asking me why I didn’t call or reach out. When you can’t explain why you feel the way you do and when you know you are better off than majority of people in the world.  You live the life you wanted. What is there to ask for help about? 

This Seems Doable.

Since August 28th I’ve put in just over 2.5k hands and it has been going alright. I have about 16 leaks to work on this week via LeakBuster. Mostly turn play and aggression. It is a fairly small sample size but after going over the specific hands that it pulled out for me I can be pretty spewy.


What do cheeseburgers, shots and poker have in common?

I’m not going to lie, I come up with my best ideas at the bar. Normally they revolve around getting Burrito Boyz, Poutine or that we could make jello shots in a hotel room using the coffee maker. This time while at the PokerStars party I was talking to Lee Jones. I’m not sure what he heard on his side of the conversation, but on my side… It went like this.

Me: Stuff stuff twitter drunk stuff.
Lee: Blah blah blah actual sober words.
Me: If I make supernova elite next year, will you make me pro?
Lee: No. I can’t make promises like that. Blah blah blah.

Good thing he said no because I most likely would have killed myself trying to achieve that. So where does the bright idea begin? It starts now with a single cheeseburger.


Over the next three months I’m going to learn how to play PLO, one cheeseburger at a time. Almost every person I’ve ever talked to about poker has said the same thing to me. I don’t put in enough volume in and I don’t put all my focus into one game. So lets do that in one of the highest variance games in poker. Three months to learn how to play and how to win. WHEN this works out I am going to trade in my chrome star for supernova by moving up the PLO stakes as fast as I can come January.

I’ve already spent a few days setting up my tables, my xBox controller, my HUD and now I’m ready to officially start today August 28th. I want to play 3 hours a day with one day off a week and 2 hours of studying and reviewing. I will be using the 50+10 buyin rule for moving up stakes. Let’s do this!

Don’t let this post fool you. I’m still on my get in shape kick and sadly cheeseburgers are not on the menu. I am going to continue with getting back and staying in shape for the rest of my life.

Social anxiety and social media contests

The last few weeks a lot of people haven’t heard much from me. Mostly because I qualified for a chance of a lifetime. The chance to be Andre Akkari’s Protege. If I am picked as his protege I would win private training from him, tickets into 3 wcoop events including the main event. Plus, the protege that makes the most money playing those tickets will win a PCA package.

Step 1 – Come in the top two of his qualifier MTTs

Step 2 – Create a video as to why he should pick you.

Now, this is way out of my comfort zone. Over the last two weeks I have debated not doing the video. Mostly because my anxiety. As silly as it sounds. I don’t really like people seeing me, rather the thought of being judged, I guess. So why did I torture myself to finish the video and upload it. Simple, the opportunity is too good to not try and my fear is illogical.

It isn’t winning or losing because I’ve already won.

I’ve already conquered one of my biggest fears. Will I be doing video blogs anytime soon. Hell no, but just a few months ago someone asked me to do a video endorsement for them and I had to say no. The thought of being seen made me feel sick. Only time will tell how I feel once people actually watch the video.

Another win was because I was working on this video I learned a new program, after effects. I could have paid someone about $15 an hour to help me using a freelancer site, it would have looked much better but I wouldn’t have done it myself.

The rest is up to André and Pokerstars if I make it to the next step.

Here is the sneak preview.

Finding Me

I haven’t blogged in a long time. On the positive side, I have been extremely busy. Let’s do a quick recap of my summer so far.

Mid June, I went to visit Toronto before heading off to Vegas to meet up with some people from Pocketfives and Pokerspace. As well as playing that game that I did well in that one time. The day before my flight I did some laundry…. The most expensive wash in my whole life. Inside a pair of pants were mine and Chris’ passport. Whoops. Can’t make every girl into a housewife. I took the passports into the passport office in Scarborough hoping that they can renew them for me… No, that would have been way too easy and obviously not a big enough lesson for me. Adding salt to the wound after being told that they could not replace them and that I would not be able to use them to travel with the security guard at the door says “don’t feel bad I once watched my iPod”…. Cool Story Brah, tell it again.

Fast forward… Three weeks in Toronto. I got to do a lot of visiting with my family and friends. I also stopped by my previous jobs in Toronto for visits and a great weekend in London. The problem was I missed Montreal. I missed my new home.

So here I am back in Montreal completely motivated and ready to start being productive. More blogging, watching more poker videos, more playing and now that my back does not hurt it is time to get back into shape.

Here is what I would include in my average daily routine to get started:

4 hours of playing 18 mans

1 hour of working out a day (30 mins strength/30 mins cardio)

3 healthy meals and 2 healthy snacks